December 20th, 2012
Written by John Wright
I spent hours on the phone yesterday in conferences with Martin Andelman from the Mandelman Matters Blog and homeowners. It always makes me laugh when I put Martin on the phone with my supporters. That’s because they tend to be Rogue Mortgage Warriors wearing tin foil hats just like me. Therefore — Martin Andelman — well — let’s just say he does not really have to say very much to piss them off. I mean – don’t get me wrong – it always goes really well at first. For example — there ‘s always a lot of laughing and smiling and ass grabbing going on at the beginning.
Homeowners: “We just love your blog — Mr. Andelman!”
So it usually goes very well at first. That’s until they get to the part about how the loans were paid off by the insurance companies. It is usually around this time that I begin to know what it must feel like to be Martin Andelman’s wife sitting at his side with friends at the dinner table. I can picture myself pinching his leg under the table –my teeth bared and clenched – while I lean towards him to whisper — “Don’t say it! Please don’t say it!” Then – as if it is his first day on the job — Martin Andelman asks them a question that suggests he has no idea what the homeowners are talking about.
Martin Andelman: “What? Securitization? Collateralization? Insurance? Insurance already paid off the loan? What are you talking about?”
Then all the homeowners turn around to look at me and Martin.
Oh Yeah! By the way! The relationship between me and Martin is actually very similar to the one between John Candy and Steve Martin in the movie “Planes — Trains -and Automobiles”.
This pause is what some refer to as ‘ the calm before the storm’. So as usual I sit there with a nervous smile frozen on my fact. That’s because I know what is about to happen! It’s a sort of supernatural phenomenon … if you will. That’s because it’s around this time that I begin to nervously look around the room for the closest emergency exit to evacuate Martin Andelman and me out of the building in the fastest and safest way I know. What is Martin doing? Martin is usually sitting there with a totally dumb look on his face that suggests he has no idea what is about to happen to him. The only feeling that I can equate this to is what it must feel like to see five growling poodles or pit bulls surrounding a friend who is totally oblivious to an oncoming attack— because —no one ever believes that Martin does not know about the insurance paying off the loans.
Now all the homeowners are staring at Martin like this:
Apparently homeowners are very sensitive about the insurance thing.
Suddenly – before I have a chance to run — the mauling begins. At this point all I see are Martin’s body parts flying up in the air in the midst of people wearing tin foil hats. This is typically followed by a bunch of tin foil hats and eyes staring at me with blood dripping from their teeth. What do I do? Well I do what any good friend of Martin Andelman would do. I slowly — and — I do mean very “slowly”– reach into my pocket with my shoulders hunched down with a nervous smile on my face – and slide up my leg and put on my tin foil hat. Presto! Immediately I now see nothing but tin foil hats and smiles! I am then allowed to leave the building. I pass Martin laying on the ground moaning and say to him out of the corner of my mouth — “Call me later” — as I do a ’fast walk’ to get out of there before they turn on me.
Please join me now and remove your tin foil hats in respect and admiration for the real Mrs. Andelman. That’s because — “How does she do it?”